Stay Cool! God Bless

{January 4, 2010}   1st update for 2010

Life for a single christian mother is hard in today’s society, but to add a health issue to the pot is diffanately pushing limits to the extreme.

I struggle with focusing on the positive and remaining happy. Putting a smile on my face is not easy and to keep it there is most difficult these days. But when doubt sets in, Jesus is there to help remove it. Just as He helped Thomas remove any doubt, John 20:19-29, He is helping me through this era of my life where I am dealing with so much.

I thought the divorce and depression because of it was too much, then the house and mortgage my ex left me with, but God has helped me overcome these things. Today, I am thankful to report that my son’s lymph nodes are not swollen anymore and is well. However, my health has taken a turn for the worse. I have had discs in my neck that are out of alignment for a while. When I had health coverage under the insurance provided by my ex-husband, I was getting MRIs every 6 months, but when asked to move to every 3 months, our marriage had taken a turn. I have not had an MRI in 5 years, but with the increase pain, discomfort, and lack of muscle strength, I should get one to see the progress, but can’t afford it. Then my lungs, although they show no scaring as with a person with Asthma, they do not want to keep oxygen in my body. When I was younger, I caught pnemonia, and would get it every year or so, but with the allergy medicine to control the flem, I don’t get pnemonia as much.  I still have a hard time breathing and get wore out do to the lack of oxygen. I don’t just mean exhaustion from being tired, but my muscles are also affected and sometimes I can’t breathe to talk.  My last hospital visit, more tests were done.  I now understand why I fall a sleep so easily in the day, I have a sleep disorder.  What was disturbing was the discovery of what my body is doing. I loose 90% of my oxygen when I sleep and my heart rate drops to almost nothing. It literally is a miracle I wake up each morning.

Knowing this has helped me to value my life a bit more and not to take for granted each day the Lord has blessed me with. He has a purpose for me and continues to jump start my body each day. I am doing my best to live each day according to His will, no my own. Yes, I did this before, but now with not working and no income for two months, I find it hard to remain encouraged about my purpose and relationship.  I was not just any two months, is was the most powerful holiday season in the year, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s.  I am working harder to remain focused on Him and His truth. The truth of knowing He has a plan and purpose for me and it is not to be destroyed. The enemy, Satan, is trying to cause me to fall and wants me to give up, but I refuse. I trust Jesus who is in my savior and in my life.  I know my Father in heaven, the God of Gods, I AM, will carry me through these trials in my life.

An old friend from high school has found me, and we have been talking off and on recently, he found me. He has informed me of his interests and desire for me. Me, I am finally free to admit to him my hidden interest in him. When I was younger, I was to scared to tell him and later in life was bound to my ex-husband. Today I am free, he is free, we both are available.  He has never married.  It will be interesting to see if something develops into more or not, but one thing I could do and have done, is to be honest with my feelings, my intent, and my current situation. The rest remains in the hands of God Almighty and this individual. I do not expect heart break, but endless happiness and joy. The thing that has us both bothered is the distance between us, but in a way this is a protection for us to remain obedient and not fall into an act of sin that may hinder God’s Blessing.

Well, I must run for now. I write a bit more another time.

Oh, I almost forgot.  I am back at my old church.  Suprisingly found myself not only welcomed back with open arms, but discovered I was needed in serving again in Sunday School.  With God’s help, I am instructing the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th graders. I think even a 7th grader.  Pray for me.

The president of the Chamber, he and his wife are dear friends, asked me to go to the yearly banquet the 16th of this month.  I am looking forward to this, but sort of wish my friend from high school was near by, so he could attend the banquet with me.  Oh well, no big deal.  I am used to attending these things alone.  I was even invited to the monthly meeting this month.  I may go, to get back involved how I can.  The president of the local Air Force Association at this base asked me to attend last month’s meeting, but I couldn’t due to being in the hospital.  Perhaps this month, I can go if invited.  It would be nice to get life back to some kind of familiarity.  I do miss working.  I used to be a work alcoholic.  I loved programming when I worked at the planet near by.  I would develop databases, and would be consumed for hours.  I was salary and didn’t care if I worked 60 hours rather then 40.  I never got overtime due to being salaried.  I share this to show how I used to be.  There are other position I held that would keep me entertained, but today there is nothing.  I struggle with my daily activity keeping it calm and making my life less stressful.


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