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{March 6, 2010}   Prayer Request
Prayer Request for those who want to join with me:  Pray my approval comes through for a couple of things I am waiting on.  Also that a door will open moving me where I need to be.  I feel as though I am in the waiting period.  Waiting for that which He has for me.  I know in my heart and soul that I am not meant to be where I am for very long or that I will remain in this state which I am in for too much longer.  Pray for guidance, direction, insight, and discernment for me.
Pray the loneliness passes quickly when it comes.  I am still alone and okay with that, but as a human I get sad and long for that which I do not have, pray Jesus Christ provides the comfort and for these moments to come and go quickly. 
 
I learned the hard way that a man can want you, yet not love you.  A hard lesson to learn at any age.  I am finding peace after 2 years, well almost 2 years.  Its been almost 1 year since I have even spoken to this person and to top it off, he claimed to be reborn saved by Jesus.  I don’t know who to trust anymore, but there is a few I do trust, God Almighty and Jesus Christ.
 
LIFE AS A SINGLE PARENT:
 
Today will end better, but was off to a rough start. I am glad I did not have to worry about asking an employer for time off to handle a situation at school. As a parent it is good to back the teachers, but there are times you have to back your child. Today was a little of both. I am thankful for God’s presence and wisdom and for the ability to remain calm and objective. Today was a learning period not only for my son but all the adults involved. I am at peace with how everything worked out. Now I am at home wishing I had an income of some kind to take my son to the book fair, but as a child I did not get everything I wanted and came out just fine. I am waiting for disability to be approved and my unemployment to get approved. With the disability hopefully still find an employer willing to work with me. My mind is still very much intact. My body limited to what it can do.
Oh I almost forgot, last week Matt was home ill due to an upset stomach and fever.  Then I got it the second half of the week.  If I was working, that would have not been good due to either loosing points or unpaid time, running the risks of being marked not reliable from the employer’s perspective.
JOB 22:21 "Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you."

I feel peace until I sin then it takes a while for me to forgive myself, I know God forigves me when I come before him through Jesus Christ asking for his forgiveness. Its the forgiveness of others and ourselves that is hard to come by.

I TRY TO BE SUBMISSIVE. I am not going to allow my own desires to interfere anymore. I believe this has been my hinderance. The world makes us believe we have to have this or do that in order to be prosperious, but the longing for such things is a sin. A catch 22, isn’t it? I no longer care if I am alone, jobless, and ill. I am thankful to have a warm home for my son with food on the table. My health has been a slow down hill thing and my ex-husband will have to answer to god himself one day for leaving me as he did. I am thankful for the peace now between the two homes. His wife kip seems nice enough. I am okay with being alone and only being submissive to God himself, not that I wouldn’t mind being submissive to a husband. I just don’t have one, so there is only one to be submissive to.

prosperity by diffinition means success and wealth…. I am waiting…. Pray a door will open for me. That employer will be willing to not only work around my illness but my single parent limitations. I have to put my son’s needs before my employer’s at least until he grows a bit older. If he gets sick daycares won’t take him not even the school. I also run the risk of getting his cold. Those of you who have kids know what I mean.

3RD UPDATE:
Where to begin. Lets start with my son, Matt, he is doing better in school in regards to obeying, listening, and in his grades. He likes to be the center of attraction and all his classmates and some in other grades really like him. Which is great. I wish he could graduate from this school just so he can have real long life friendships something I have never had, but I cannot say that will happen. My oldest, Chris, wanted to graduate from Duke, but his father left and about a year later, was bribed with the city life attraction and things his fatjer could spoil him with that I couldn’t at age 14.5 he chose to live with his father. He is 17. WOW!!! I can’t believe it. I see him when I can, but it seem at this age parents are are not a priority even parents whom they see less of. My youngest seems loyal, and I am not afraid of him abandoning me.

I have friends, but not the kind that call or come by or want go hang out. THERE IS ONE, Edie you are a blessing.  I have friends, but I tend to go to their house and call them.  Sometimes I feel like I am doing all the work. Here lately I just don’t call or text, guess what, the house is quiet. My life is to quiet. Country life has its advantages, but there are disadvantages too. I am waiting on my disability to come through and hope to find an employer willing to work around my disability because I feel I still have a lot to offer one.  Depending on where that door opens is where I intend to go. Once I get there perhaps everything else will fall into place. Like financial stability, a life where Matt and I will have enteraction with others coming over for cookouts.  Perhaps take trips with others, you know two familiies or more traveling together. Just maybe I will find a man to love me and want me. I found out the hard way that a man can want you but not love you.

Well, I am just doing my best to live for the Lord God Almighty through Jesus Christ.

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